The question about sex and dating brings up pulls up a lot of conflict of opinion, whether you’re wondering whether it’s a good idea to have sex on the first date or in the first three dates.
Perhaps you wonder what the rules are, or whether you should have any. It’s complex topic.
For some it can be a touchy topic, and they get their feelings hurt if someone doesn’t agree with their view.
Here, you’re responsible for your own feelings. I’m going to talk to you as I would a client who comes to me wanting a long term committed relationship.
Often, when a lady has chosen to experience sex with someone in the first couple of dates, they find themselves with a friends with benefits situation, and their connection doesn’t progress the way they’d prefer ( towards a relationship) after the initial fireworks.
Now of course there are exceptions to every rule there are some people who literally meet and get married within 14 days together & stay together for their life! Or they stay together the first night, it turns into a weekend, every weekend and an amazing love.
There is no hard and fast rule… but I do want to talk about human nature and a little on why for so many ladies, hopping in to bed right away may not be the way to go if it’s love you’re looking for.
The thing about human nature is we don’t tend to value what we haven’t earned.
If you go into casino with 10 pounds, and you win 2000 pounds; fantastic!! You splash out on cocktails and you spend the rest of the night playing with the money.
By the end of the night, you’ve lost all the money on the table and you go home with the 10 pounds you walked in with.
You feel great, you had fun, and you don’t go home & cry about losing £2000. It feels like it was a good night! Easy come, easy go. maybe next time you’ll get lucky again, who knows.
However, if you spent a month working overtime, and that 2000 pounds could pay your bills, and was paying off debt, and you had worked hard for that money… you’d probably feel differently.
If you got paid at 9am and by the end of the night the money was missing, you would be pissed off.
We’re not so stressed about those things we get easily. We tend to let them go easily too, unless we are attune to exactly what we want and are ready to keep what comes our way.
Time & connection gives space for you to get to know a person & build a reciprocal relationship.
Many ladies will say they don’t mind if they don’t hear again from the person they spent the night with, yet complain if they don’t hear from them… the truth is they DO mind, and they are not honest with themselves or the other person.
This is really important to think about.
A woman’s ‘value’ is innate.
It has nothing to do with whether she enjoys sex on a first date or after marriage.
Sometimes you can get so caught up in an idea that there has to be a certain number of dates before sex that you miss the connection with the person in front of you.
However the important thing to think about is what truly works for you? In the right circumstances, sex develops connection – but it will not make a man fall in love with you; doesn’t matter how good you are in bed.
Many guys like to pursue a woman and when he has to work for your attention, not because you are playing a game because you are are doing what feels comfortable for you… he sees you respect yourself. Whether you had sex the 1st date or the 51st date. It’s also about holding yourself in high esteem, no matter what.
Have sex because it’s something you desire. Never because you think it will lead to a relationship; it won’t. Never to impress your date; it doesn’t mean they’ll stick around. And absolutely never because somebody put pressure on you , or tried to make you feel guilty, prude or anything else – stay the hell away from people like that.
Sex and love are two different things, so be aware that you are not suddenly owed ‘more’ because you chose to bump and grind.
If you’re only interested in sex after marriage, discuss that. If you’re only interested in sex in the container of an exclusive relationship; discuss that.
You’re allowed to enjoy & explore your body and desires with others, just don’t get attached to someone and project your expectations on them because of this, and especially when there has been no discussion of ‘what does sex mean to you’ or any discussion regards aftercare.
Aftercare here means if you want to receive a text or a call to check in after a sexual encounter, you request this.
Taking time to get to know someone before you have sex with them means you get to ascertain if you actually like who they are as a human being, and that they are someone you would be happy to share your energy and your body with, rather than finding out afterwards that they’re a complete asshole and you want to avoid them forever.
And sometimes the best sex of your life is unexpected, unplanned and very beautiful.
Be true to yourself and what you want in life.
If you’d like to explore sacred sexuality… try The Permission 3 day Masterclass