I developed the 4 Single Archetype Personas from working with women all over the world.
I found some core feelings, behaviours and beliefs that were keeping the women who came to me for dating & love coaching feeling stuck in love, and they often fell into one of 4 categories. A woman may feel she fits more that 1 archetype persona, yet usually leads with one main one. Of course, this is not exhaustive and cannot cover every individual experience…
Yet, I found that when women understood their archetype persona, not only did they gain more insight into why they felt stuck in love, it provided solid ground to create healthy changes that resulted in creating healthy, joyful relationships.
Of course, we are all individuals and life and love has many moving parts, these personas don’t account for everything – and my clients have found these very helpful in their journey to true authentic love. To understand themselves better, and why they may be stuck in love. My clients come form a variety of countries, languages and backgrounds, & these 4 personas, I’ve found across the board.
Maybe it will give you some insight?
There are 4 Single Archetype Personas: Clever Clueless, The Sultry Dreamer, Golden Go Getter & The Noble Nurturer. (Take the Quiz)
Today I’ll talk about:
The Noble Nurturer
Noble Nurturer tends to attract relationships that are unbalanced.
It may sound a little similar to the Golden Go Getter, but there are significant differences.
Noble Nurturer may find she is carrying the relationship. the emotional labour, the leading, & maybe the pain, but it’s often because tends to attract broken men, guys who need a lot of healing.
Or they don’t have very much get-up-and-go, ambition or motivation.
They end up in relationships or situationships with someone in a transition stage of life, such as going through a divorce, separated; lost their job and needs to get a new job but it’s taking quite a long time. They may be at a different stage of life, and perhaps really focusing on building their career. It might be money isn’t in a good place.
In more serious situations, the partner may have an addiction, a health or mental health issue.
The truth is, life can throw a curveball to any of us, at any time. So this isn’t about needing someone to be perfect all the time, or dumping them as soon as a problem arises. Everyone can have ups and downs.
Yet the issue is, the Noble Nurturer tends to attract people that need help & support over and over again. She finds herself in helper and rescuer mode, over and over and over again.
She hopes that she can love or encourage someone enough to have a breakthrough or to fulfil their potential, and she is a person who like to see the good and the potential of a person.
Sometimes she is a spiritual or intuitive person; maybe she works in the caring industries or healing arts, and / or she just has a way of attuning to people’s feelings. And because of all that she can feel and sense, she may sense another person’s pain, as well as their potential.
She wants to help. And she likely has identity around being the kind person meaning that is what makes her valuable, and a subconscious need for validation by helping others.
The problem is not everyone is ready to step in to their potential, & not everyone wants to be helped, and some will take your help until you are dry and then just move on to the next person.
The Noble Nurturer tends to hang in there in a relationship or dating situation with someone who is not behaving well, either towards themselves or her – thinking if they can just help this person a bit more they may have a breakthrough, and then they can have the relationship of their dreams.
But some people talk of bad luck after bad luck – sometimes it’s true. Sometimes it’s because of the choices they keep making in their lives, but they know if they keep on with the sob story – they will get all of Noble Nurturer’s energy and attention… and perhaps resources.
This might be you if you’re attracted to partners who area lot younger or have much fewer resources than you. While the positive side of you is that you are a natural nurturer, and have a lot of compassion… you’re more attracted to the potential than the reality.
The problem with a Noble Nurturer, is that resentment can build in relationship because you’re carrying the heavy load.
Subconsciously, you may believe that if you don’t carry that load, do all the things, or cover up / cater to your partner’s addiction / bad behaviour / lack of responsibility -you won’t be loved.
And so, you do all the things, but resent it and may even get passive aggressive.
In a codependant dynamic your partner may feel controlled, even though they want your help – they just want you to do it their way without calling out their behaviour. You often genuinely want to help, but you resent having to give it so much and that the partner doesn’t change despite all you’ve given.
, and so was that we can build on both sides and so it can be a bit of a, an effort to keep things balanced. What you don’t want to be doing is, is going into relationships where you’re having to pick up the slack.
Noble Nurturer may have been given a lot of responsibility at a young age. Perhaps you were the older sibling who had to take care of all the younger siblings. It may be a single parent family where you had a lot of responsibility and you took on that role at a very young age. It may be as a kid there were things that were happening at home that you were worried about and you have a sense that you had to keep tabs on everything, in order to stay feeling safe.
There might have been some dysfunctional elements growing up like maybe somebody has an addiction of some sort, or a mental health problem. This is familiar to you, even though you don’t necessarily want to live through that again – there may be a part of you that is trying to heal an old wound by subconsciously wanting to save the other person from any pain. You feel guilty if you don’t help – but it’s at a cost to you. Emotionally, financially, spiritually, sometimes physically.
You tend to be the one that looks after others, not just in love.
Change begins when you decide to starting trust the strength in other people, and strengthening yourself, and working with that to break the pattern of attracting broken people in your life to the extent that your life and dreams become smaller and smaller because you’re not putting the energy and attention on yourself, essentially not prioritising yourself.
You have to start choosing yourself.
Take the Why Am I Still Single Quiz to see which single persona is the most prevalent for you, and to receive some custom love advise for your type.