A relationship of any kind is a living organism. Each person has their own dream, desires, expectations and baggage.
When two people meet, 2 worlds collide. It’s easy in the beginning … we are so head over heels, and full of love chemicals that our partner can do no wrong, and everyone is on their best behaviour. Old sabotage mechanisms and self protective behaviour seem to have disappeared, until… problems, doubts and conflicts start to arise.
Some conflict, or should I say – disagreement is perfectly healthy and normal in relationship. If two people are ALWAYS in agreement , it’s likely one partner is acquiescing (doesn’t like it but doesn’t protest) and this can lead to resentment problems further down the road.
Two people, with two different backgrounds, perhaps were parented very differently, maybe 2 very different cultures, languages, or family environments. All of this can blend together well in time to create a new ‘culture of us’ , but likely first there will be needed some time to understand each other’s beliefs, decisions and desires. And this can look like pulling away, arguments, and other annoyances.
The other piece is that some people, because of their past seem to come up again conflict in pretty much every relationship they have.
There is always some kind of drama. Emotional distance, always giving more than they receive, they end up carrying the weight financially, or their partner can be mean. This usually roots in child hood experiences.
It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to have had a terrible upbringing – it could be that somewhere along the line you didn’t get a template of how a healthy relationship should look, or experiences of bullying reduced your self esteem, or perhaps you just come from a shouty family where swearing at each other is very normal … but others back away from you when you communicate like this.
Creating healthy relationships requires skill. Skills and techniques we likely not taught at school, in our job, or from our family.
Here are 5 steps to reduce conflict in your relationships and turn your love life around.
- Learn to communicate your truest, deepest feelings about your situation; without blaming or shaming the other person. Locate your feelings in your body and share that. Eg. ” I feel scared when you drive so fast and cut people off, I can feel anxiety in my stomach”. Rather than – “Can’t you drive, you just cut them off, what are you doing!”
It’s simple, but it’s not always easy. It works, because the 2nd statement is likely to put the other partner in defence mode, rather than listening mode. Learning to communicate in the true, clear way honestly works wonders to bring 2 people closer together. Bad communication can really break an otherwise good relationship.
2. Spend some time following the thread of the drama in your past relationships. What causes it? What is triggering you? What is the real, deeper reason that it triggers you? Sometimes, we project the fears of our past on to our partner – when we heal the original cause of the problem and rewrite our beliefs, life can change quickly. EG. There may always be a thread of jealousy in your relationship… the truth is you feel insecure about how you look and your worth. A great question to ask yourself is ‘Which parent was I always trying to get the love and attention of?’ … You can gain so much understanding from this. The ladies who experience energy clearing in my courses have huge shifts because we get to the root of a problem.
3. Do you tend to ignore or miss red flags? Why might this be? What would happen if you decided not to ignore red flags any more, and ask questions instead to gain understanding? Do you like to see the best in people but ignore their faults?
4. Do you put enough time and attention of creating connecting, fun experiences together with your partner, or do you get stuck in the humdrum of life? Consciously cultivating, fun, sensual, and adventurous experiences creates a deeper bond and helps you to get through the trickier times.
5. Have a conversation ahead of time and decide in advance how you would like to handle it if you come to a disagreement. Do you want to talk right away and your partner needs space? How can you both get your needs met? Do you shout and your partner hates that? Do they leave the house and that triggers fear in you? Discuss all of this ahead of time to give you a fighting chance of coming back together quickly, in a healthy way. It won’t happen over night! But over time you will learn how to handle yourself and the other better in a conflict, for greater relationship harmony.
I’ve put together a fantastic bundle of Relationship resources for you that will help you with all of this. The LOVE HARMONY BUNDLE will teach you:
- Excellent feminine communication so you can be heard in your relationship, and really connect deeply with your partners heart – even after a separation, argument or difficult situation.
- There’s a deep energy clearing to help you move away from giving more than you get, a cycle of arguments, how to voice your truth without fear, and clear deep ancestral family patterns that keep you stuck in love
- You’ll learn the male psychology about why men pull away, and the worst thing most women do in this situation that causes conflict
- How to repair after an argument and come closer together
- And SO MUCH MORE.
There’s almost £100 discount on this fantastic bundle of 4 masterclasses, mini series and energy clearings with hours of relationship coaching for you.
Get the bundle discount CLICK HERE
It includes these 4 classes:
- Relationship & Dating Communication 101 4 hour masterclass
- Turn Your Love Life Around 1 hour energy clearing
- How To Reduce Conflict In Relationship mini series
- The 5 Love Magnets That Drive Men Wild masterclass
Here’s that link again