What is it, why so shitty, what to do about it?
Ghosting is when someone you have been communicating with in a seemingly normal way… just goes missing.
Without warning, a partner / date stops contacting you or returning your calls and texts, without any explanation what so ever. It’s like the silent treatment – but you don’t know what you did to cause it.
When this happens, there is no closure, no explanation, no understaing what the hell happened – and can leave you more paranoid than Cersei from Game of Thrones.
In this world, reasons or explanations make us sane. Why did this happen? Why did you do this? And other similar questions brings closure towards accepting the reality of what just happened. When you understand a bit better, it’s easier to move on… when you’re left wondering the bad things is you may start to question yourself and make up a story in your own head that may not be true. but it’s all you’ve got. The problem is it’s taking up too much headspace and causing you to lose trust in other dates coming your way.
No one in a platonic or romantic relationship just decides to ghost another person without a solid reason (in their eyes), they probably just do not want to declare the reason – and this is the important bit. Irrespective of what the reason may be, there are five main motives behind ghosting. Sip your wine and assess the following.
AVOIDANCE OF CONFLICT
Most relationships start beautifully, it’s crazy how a couple, once head over heels in love with one another can end with a cold separation. The act of breaking up with someone, or distancing oneself is rarely spontaneous, it is usually premeditated and can be weeks or months in the making.
Often, when one party doesn’t know how to convery their feeings and more importantly DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH YOURS – they will just ghost you so they don’t have to deal with it. When a guy has promised you the earth and then decides to backtrack after giving you the impression you are going to build a life together – how do you explain that?
The immature person doesn’t. They ghost you instead. They don’t want to or don’t know how to explain ‘why can’t we be together’.
TO PROTECT YOUR FEELINGS
I know it doesn’t make sense? There you are dating a wonderful person for some time and just like that, he distances himself in every way. Leaving you at your best friends’ house sipping (gulping) alcohol, with mascara dripping eyes asking the golden question, “What did I do wrong?”
Here’s the thing, numerous men after several dates face what is termed as a make or break period. This is the point where a decision must be made to discuss ‘where is this going’ or jump ship if he doesn’t want a relationship, or doesn’t want a relationship with you. Sometimes, a man who seemed perfectly happy actually isn’t keen on you having kids, a health issue, financial problems or just being a happy well adjusted person – but he doesn’t know how to say that.
He may also not want to discuss it if you are a little toxic, clingy, self obsessed or you aren’t up to his taste and expectations. In other cases, he may even be intimidated by you. With the increasing number of independent women out there, not every man is comfortable with women whose take-home is more than theirs. #whatevs
THERE IS ANOTHER WOMAN
No one likes to be dumped especially for another woman or man, but rather than tell you he met someone else – has been dating someone else all along and prefers them, he will ghost you so as not to face your wrath.
This is why you need to be careful when someone ghosts and then like an apparition, magically appears again – it can be an indication that it didn’t go well with the other woman and now they’re back to see if they can salvage a relationship with you. Asshole.
DEPRESSION OR LIFE ISSUES
When many of my clients start their journey, they are so self focused they pay no mind to the fact that the men in their lives have their own issues too. pressure at work, ill parents, a personal issue. Some people who have depression, or anxiety hide it quite well, but ultimatley are not coping well and feel the need to retreat and go within. This causes them to ignore people until they are ready to interact again. He may start to withdraw not because he doesn’t care anymore but because he wants to deal with it alone. That doesn’t make it ok to give you no contact, and it is also not your cue to become his therapist. He’s not ready.
Everyone has a boiling point and a unique way of reacting when triggered. Ghosting doesn’t always have to be an omen of a breakup, but it can be indicative of a person who doesn’t know how to assert their boundaries in a healthy way. You may have annoyed your partner. Eek.
Was there something he wasn’t cool with? Too many calls or did you undermine him in some way? Ghosting may just be his way of passing a silent message that he’s pissed. To avoid falling victim to this type of ghosting, do not ignore his boundaries.
Most times, men that ghost do so for reasons they think are perfectly reasonable – people can justify all kinds of things to themselves inside their own head! More often than not, the reason has nothing to do with you. In this life, you cannot let someone who’s lost to set you adrift.
Wait, is that from Bridgerton?
Hopefully this gave you some closure and you can let go of Mr Unavailable.
If you’d like to learn how to Magnetize Your Dream Man, without all the B.S. my Get Your Dream Guy Masterclass gives incredible results over and over again – and completely changes the way you date. Check it out HERE