The mind can be a stressful place, or a beautiful place.
It all depends on the thoughts in your mind. Thoughts appear; you rarely plan them and then a feeling arises due to the thought – happy or sad.
On the path of love, the mind can be a mine field. So many beliefs, projections and expectations of yourself and the other. You attach to your thoughts as if they are all real, because of course you have justification for how right you feel (look what they did) , and perhaps some evidence of why you are right (I’ve been here before).
Isn’t it true that there are some thoughts you think that really hurt you. Sometimes they may hurt your relationship because of how they make you act, react and interpret what the other does. Sometimes these thoughts hurt you, in how you feel in the ‘search’ for love.
I wonder how life would be, if you didn’t tell yourself that old story anymore?
The story that you are unloveable.
The story that God is holding out on bringing you love.
The story that wo/men are untrustworthy.
The story that you should be married by now.
The story that your mate doesn’t love you.
The story that you always have to work hard to have love.
When you have that familiar story running, how does it affect your behaviour and how you show up in the world/ relationship? Are you your best, open, wonderful self? Or are you guarded, defended, suspicious and searching for flaws?… Either in yourself or the other.
It can be extremely challenging to drop the stories of the mind, because you feel very justified in what you think. The work of Byron Katie is wonderful for helping you challenge your thought processes, she suggests an inner enquiry of 4 questions:
1.Is it really true?
2.Can you ABSOLUTELY know your thought is true? (That you KNOW this is how it is / you know their beliefs inside their head / or how it ‘should’ be in life right now) p.s. it’s often no
3.How do you react, what happens when you believe that story? (how do you feel, how do you show up, how does it make you feel when you keep that story running)
4.Who would you be without that thought? ( How would it change how you showed up in the situation, what is revealed when you drop the judgements)
We often push back against the reality of what is happening in life and create stories around it that makes us feel bad such as: ‘I’m not enough’, or “My relationship is doomed”. Your thoughts and beliefs are the lens with which you see the world.
When you can’t see that a part of you doesn’t love or care for yourself – you will project that onto others and feel like the victim. When you own it, and love that place, your inner AND outer world changes.
You and I, and your sister could see the exact same event and all interpret it differently – due to the beliefs we have and the stories we have running. So do your thoughts empower you, or disempower you?
When you ‘future think’ do you paint a miserable picture , or a happy one? Bear in mind, none of it exists right now.
I remember getting to a place in dating where I would be pleased if a guy flaked out – “not for me then” I’d say, “glad he showed himself now”. I had let go of the ‘no good men’ story, and adopted a ‘great men are attracted to me’ story instead – because it was more helpful and felt better, and it became true because I believed it.
What if, what is happening right now is just the medicine you need to push you to ‘wake up’ out of your mind and take you deeper into your heart? The push you need to have a look within, at what you really believe about love, life and yourself – instead of always pointing the finger ‘out there’.
It may not feel great in the moment, and sometimes when I start working with a client they are very attached to their stories and don’t want to look within, they want the world ‘out there’ to change. They want to control the universe, and God, and everyone in it to bend to their will – but without actually being in true belief, or alignment with what they desire.
There is usually something to learn through our experiences with others, so if you can be willing to look deeper, much power emerges. You can ask: ‘What is life trying to show me that I am missing here? , What is being reflected back to me? Do I feel attacked, yet the truth is, internally I attack myself? Do I shut down just like my partner does? How can I make myself feel good?”
When you have no control or awareness of your thoughts, they run amock; and because over 70% of our thoughts are recycled day in and day out, you stay stuck running in a hamster wheel of the same thoughts giving you the same results. That’s why I teach women to question their beliefs and track how it affects their behaviour – so they can build helpful new beliefs that take them in the direction they want to go in.
Why? Because fretting and worrying, anxiety and blaming don’t take you to where you want to go. If they did – you’d already be be there by now. It’s time to change your mind.
If you’re ready to change your inner and outer reality when it comes to love, here is my signature programme; Cherished.
An 8 week journey into getting Soulmate ready.