This was a question I got in my recent Dating Masterclass – and something a lot of women ask me when they find out I’m a love and intimacy coach!!
The answer lies with your boundaries and how invested you are in your projection of a pretend relationship – VS – the reality of what’s actually being (not) offered to you.
One lady, let’s call her Sasha told me of a guy who would disappear when she demanded more from the relationship.. but eventually he always came back around again after a few months. Men tend to do this – they let you cool down – as if you’ll forget the last interaction and then drop a “Hi, how are you” text.
Even when he was dating others, he would test the water, take her out for a drink and enquire if she was still single…
“Why is he taking me out if he is seeing someone’, else she said. ‘I don’t understand, he knows I don’t just want a booty call!!’
The answer was very simple – he kept coming around because she kept saying yes to seeing him.
It’s not rocket science, yet she blinded herself to it. She would say no to sleeping with him in the beginning, but after going out a few times she would usually sleep with him – because they had a great time together – then she would have expectations about the relationship and want more than a casual fling, and then he would back away again. Maybe after she blew up at him for not being what she wanted, or finding out he had lied about where he had been.
It was a cycle – but she wasn’t willing to see her part in it.
She had feelings for him – therefore she just couldn’t do casual with him. But she ignored this part and just blamed him for being inconsistent – yet he had NEVER promised her a relationship. She just hoped he would one day be ready, and was hooked on the IDEA of having a relationship, and the thought that if he kept coming back he must really like her. She was likely not the only lady he was in a similar cycle with.
This guy was never offering her a relationship, he was just happy to have great sex and great company. There’s nothing wrong in that – yet she desired more and would end up hurt and confused everytime. Some women stay in this cycle for YEARS with a man. Do not let that be you.
So – you can either date casually and have NO expectations and just carry on and date others. See it for what it is, a casual fling for fun only.
Or in this case it’s time to cut loose and MOVE ON to someone who is actually interested in a relationship. Drop your expectations and projections of how it ‘should be’ and have a good look at how it really IS.
We go into details about drawing this boundary, friends with benefits connections, when to make love, what to do if people/ guys say you’re intimidating, what to do to stop CHASING guys and have them chasing you instead and how to activate a guys instinct to choose you as a partner in my Get Your Dream Guy dating Masterclass.
It’s INCREDIBLE value, and a 4 hour long in depth, real talk class leaving no stone unturned. It’s the relationship education none of us got.
So if you’re ready to stop playing around and actually get what you want this year, here’s the link https://jaydiamond.podia.com/get-your-dream-guy-dating-masterclass
Don’t be confused for another day!
You deserve THE BEST!