He acts like a boyfriend but says he doesn’t want a relationship. What do I do?


When he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship – believe him!

On a recent masterclass a lady asked me what do as a man she had really been enjoying dating was acting like her boyfriend but had said he didn’t want a relationship.

It’s easy to see why she might be confused, sometimes women are on the receiving end of this the other way around too – a partner will say they want a relationship – but do not act like it at all. We’ll address that in another post. He says one thing and does another.

For now, if you are in this type of situation you must believe him and take him at his word. Countless women, bumble along and presume after a certain length of time they they and the other person must now be in a relationship because they spend all of their time together. It looks like a relationship, sounds like a relationship, feels like a relationship… until one day their guy starts to pull away and they find out he is seeing another woman, or expresses that he hasn’t got time or energy, and he ‘reminds’ the lady with the fateful words.. ‘we’re not in a relationship’.

He was however, happy to pretend he was and act like he was for the last 6 months, until he decided differently.

Many women tend to be relationship ready, where as many men are not. They may warm up to the idea, or they may warm up to you but spending time or sex with a person they like does not equal relationship to a man.

I come across a fair number of women who will treat a man as her boyfriend when he has never mentioned anything of the sort. They think that if they act like the perfect girlfriend then he’ll be convinced, and stay. But it doesn’t work like that.


You can be in such a rush to be in a relationship that you commit yourself to someone who has no intention of committing to you, or anyone right now. Until a man has asked you directly to be exclusive with him, you cannot assume that you are. Infact, you must assume you are not.

Often a guy will tell you ‘Oh, no I’m not seeing anyone’ and we quickly take this to mean, he’s single available and all for me – yet you should hear this as: ‘Oh, no I’m not seeing anyone RIGHT NOW‘ , I can assure you – it doesn’t mean he won’t be seeing someone else 2 months down the line. He’s literally talking about right now as you speak. Because he hasn’t said he wants to be in a relationship with you, has he, and he doesn’t know yet what the future will bring – you’ve just met.

You can for sure enjoy your time with Mr Don’t Want A Relationship – why not have fun, but do not treat him like your boyfriend and rule out other option HOPING he will see how wonderful you are. You can be the sweetest peach on the tree, but if he ain’t hungry, he ain’t hungry – and force feeding just causes irritation, not appetite. 

Don’t hang on for years hoping and praying, pull your energy back a little and go out and date others. If you are wanting to head for a committed loving relationship in your life, you should only not date others if there is an agreement to be exclusive and an agreement that feels good for your future unfolding.

You will either go on to meet your true love, or your current liason will have to decide whether he wants to lose you or not. A guy is often not called to uplevel the relationship unless you make it a requirement.

Do it the right way and go DIRECT to your dream guy, without the heartbreak. Join the Masterclass:



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